The Beauty Within
by afragilelittlehuman
Summary: Going to his brother Jasper's company Christmas party, Edward hopes to spend time with the employee he's admired from afar for months. Will his blindness keep her away, or will she find it allows him to see her in another way? AH/AU/OOC - ExB - Rated M
1. The Beauty Within

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: This story was written as a Christmas present for my lovely beta erikasbuddy. Merry Christmas, Greta! ****  
**

**Quick note: I did a lot of Google research on living with blindness, but I'm sure I still got things wrong. Please just know I tried my best.**

* * *

**The Beauty Within**

_I need to lose to make it right  
I'll confront the stars tonight  
I will babble, I will bite  
You will never know how much you shine_

_~ "40 Miles From the Sun" - Bush  
http://www . youtube . com/watch?v=Ji7h8RZJre0_

"Mom, I really don't understand why all the fuss. It's just a Christmas party."

I'd dressed myself for many years, and, while I loved spending time with my mother, I couldn't understand her sudden interest in my tie. I could feel her loosen, straighten, and tighten it, then perform the cycle all over again.

"Edward," she said in the quiet, sweet voice she used when proud of me, "I just want you to look your best for Jasper's party."

I clasped her hands, which had once again found the knot of my tie. "It's fine, Mom. I'm not sure why Jasper is so insistent on my going. I'm not really an employee."

"You're as much as an employee as anyone else." She kissed me lightly on the cheek.

Trying to smooth down my unruly hair, I buttoned my jacket. "I just did some simple usability testing. I don't know why he does it. Most software companies don't even bother."

"You know exactly why he does it."

And I did. I worked as a consultant to software companies, helping to test their applications for usability for the blind. My brother Jasper, having watched me struggle with my blindness since I was young, was determined that his company would do things differently. Each time his company readied a new version of their software, he called me in to lead their usability testing. Tonight was his company's Christmas party, and he wanted me to attend. It was important to him, so it was important to me.

I looked at the dark blur that was my mother, and I could hear my father's heavy footsteps come into the room and stop behind her.

"Esme," he said, "leave the boy be. He looks handsome, just like he always does." I could hear the broad smile in his voice. "Jasper and Alice will be here soon, and you don't want Edward to be late."

"You're right, Carlisle. He is a handsome devil." She laughed her tiny laugh, which made me smile. "He'll be beating back the ladies tonight."

I blushed. There was only one lady's attention I wanted, and she was sure to be there with some suitor or other. "Yeah, I'll beat them back with my cane."

My father's heavy clap on my shoulder was reassuring. "That's the spirit, son."

The doorbell chimed, signaling my ride had arrived. Extending my cane and tapping it along my path, I walked carefully from my bedroom, around the couch, and to the front door. Opening the door, I smelled Jasper's cologne and heard the gentle jingle of the charm bracelet his wife Alice wore everywhere she went. Jasper had given it to her their first Christmas together.

"Edward!" Alice cried, wrapping her small arms around my neck and pulling me close. "You look so handsome. And you wore the tie I bought you." She kissed my cheek and then rubbed off the traces of her lipstick. "Such a sweet gesture."

"Sorry, little brother." Jasper's voice was closer than I expected, and I was sure he was pulling Alice away from me again. "I keep telling her to warn you before jumping all over you."

Feeling Alice's embrace loosen then disappear, I smirked. "It's okay. I automatically brace myself for it now." I reached out and found Alice's face, cupping her cheek to feel the frown I knew was there. "Don't worry, Al. I like it when you attack me. It keeps me on my toes."

Alice's cheek swelled under my hand as she smiled. "Let me make it up to you by taking you to this swanky party I heard about."

My mother called out from the living room behind me. "You kids have fun tonight. And, Jasper, don't let Edward drink too much. You know the boy can't hold his liquor."

I rolled my eyes. "Ha, ha, very funny. Will you two lock up when you leave?"

"If it's okay," my father said sheepishly, "we thought we'd hang out here until you got home. So we can hear all about how your evening went."

When they showed up at my apartment under the pretense of helping me get ready, I thought it was a little odd. Now, I was sure they were up to something. "Sure, Dad, whatever you want. I won't be out too late."

Jasper put my hand on his shoulder. "Sure, the driver will bring you home any time you want. Let's get a move on, though, or I'm going to be late to my own party."

At night, my limited eyesight picked up very few blobs or small glimmers of light. My apartment was on the first floor to make it easier for me to navigate on my own, but, since I was heading to an unknown vehicle an unknown distance away, I folded my cane, slid it in my jacket pocket, and allowed Jasper to lead me. Normally, I would click my cane along the pavement, having memorized each turn toward the bus stop in front of my apartment complex. While it was an adjustment at first, both for me and my family, I enjoyed the autonomy of living on my own, even if it was lonely sometimes.

I settled into the plush leather seat of the limousine and listened to Jasper and Alice chat excitedly about the party. They made a special effort to find a venue that presented minimal obstructions to me: few steps, uncluttered floor plan, and open grounds should I want to get away for a few minutes. At times, it felt as if they planned this party just for me. I appreciated their trouble, but it didn't alleviate all my nervousness going into a strange, new environment. The last thing I wanted to be was the boss's poor blind brother, tied to the table all night.

Listening to water sloshing under the limo tires, I reclined back in the seat. It had rained earlier in the evening, but now the air was calm and clear. There was a full moon tonight, and I looked forward to seeing the dimly glowing blob in the sky from the grounds at the museum. I could remember what the moon looked like, round and luminescent. I also remembered the younger faces of my parents and Jasper, although my touch let me know they had all changed a bit since then. I often wondered what Alice looked like, and I tried to imagine the spiky black hair everyone described. Most of all, I wondered what a certain software tester looked like. I hadn't even touched her. My only impressions of her were based on her voice, lush and friendly, and her scent, strawberries and honeysuckle.

As the limo came to a stop, I remembered the one thing I needed tonight. "Damn it! I forgot my sunglasses!"

"Calm down, Ray Charles," Jasper teased. "You don't need those."

Alice's hand, tiny and warm, rested on my arm. "He's right, you know. You don't want to cover up those beautiful emerald eyes."

Emerald. I remembered that color. "It's just that people will talk to me not realizing otherwise."

Jasper tugged my hand, letting me know it was time to exit the limo. "Everyone here knows you or is with someone who knows you. Don't worry about it."

Again, I extended my cane, placed my hand on Jasper's shoulder, and allowed him to lead me into the party. With each step, the music and laughter grew louder, and I could distinctly hear the tinkling of crystal and china. Jasper had obviously pulled out all the stops. Familiar voices greeted me as we walked into what must have been the main ballroom. The echoing sounds indicated a large room with high ceilings. The environment was much brighter, and several blurs spoke to me and shook my hand. We continued to walk until Jasper took my hand from his shoulder and placed it on a chair. I folded my cane and placed back in my pocket.

"Here we are," Jasper said. "We have assigned seating tonight, and this is yours."

I pulled out my chair and, quickly feeling for the seat, sat down. "Assigned seats? What is this, third grade?"

"Very funny," Alice chirped. "This way people will mingle more."

I suddenly became very nervous. "Where are you going to sit, Alice?"

"Don't worry, Edward. Jasper and I will be right here with you."

"That's right, as soon as we go around the room and say hello to everyone." Jasper tapped me on the shoulder. "Wanna come with us?"

Drumming my fingers against the table, I shook my head. "No, I don't think so. I'll just wait for you here."

Jasper and Alice let me know they'd be back in a few minutes and walked away, leaving me alone at the table, likely until dinner started. The music wasn't half bad, and eventually a waiter offered me a glass of wine. The wine smelled very familiar, and I realized it was Alice's favorite. Jasper must have had a better year than he'd let on, and I made a mental note to ask him for an increased rate next time he called me in to consult.

Chuckling to myself and taking another sip, I was suddenly overcome by her distinctive, sweet scent. I could feel more than hear her walk up next to me, and I looked toward the blur I believed to be her and smiled. "Hi, Bella."

She laughed, a rich, lilting laugh that was just as robust as her voice. "How do you always know it's me?"

"If I told you that, you'd only change so you could sneak up on me." I listened for more footsteps or some Neanderthal mouth-breathing next to her, but she seemed to be alone.

"You're probably right. A girl always wants to have the element of surprise." Her voice was teasing, almost flirtatious.

Putting down my wine glass, I nervously ran my hands through my hair. It was one time it would have really paid to be able to see how bad it was. "We have assigned seats, if you can believe that. Alice seems to think we'll all mingle better that way."

"I know," she said, pulling the chair next to me away from the table. "This is my seat."

My heart fell into my stomach. Didn't Jasper look at his evil wife's seating charts? He knew how I felt about Bella, and he wouldn't have tortured me like this. Would he?

The hazy blur with the beautiful voice and luscious scent was now sitting next to me. I realized I would just have to endure it until Jasper and Alice came back to the table and were able entertain her. "So," I began, hesitant but dying to know, "where's your date?"

"Oh, I didn't bring a date. It's just little old me." She giggled. "Where's _your _date?"

I rolled my eyes. "My date is somewhere with his wife, probably schmoozing with the sales team."

"You two make a cute couple." She giggled again. She was really going to have to stop that, because I was starting to get the wrong idea.

I decided to take the conversation in a different direction, because this one was driving me a little mad. "How is the newest round of testing going? Jasper says there are a couple of patches in the pipeline."

Her silverware clanged against each other; it sounded as if she was rearranging them. "It's going pretty well. Not as well as it does when you're there."

My mouth hung open in shock for a millisecond before I wisely closed it. I might be blind, but I'm not _blind_. This woman, who I'd silently admired for months while we tested software, was _flirting_. With _me_.

"Bella, so glad to see you!" Jasper had snuck up on me while I was still in shock. I wasn't sure whether to be irritated or grateful as he and Alice sat at the table with us.

Dinner service began with the clattering of plates and the scraping of silverware against china. When a waiter placed a plate in front of me, Alice leaned over and whispered its contents in my ear. Salmon at 6 o'clock, au gratin potatoes at 2, and green beans at 10: all foods I could eat without needing a knife to cut them, without having to touch my food with anything other than my fork. At that moment, I again realized why Jasper loved Alice so.

Once the conversation resumed, I decided I was grateful for Jasper and Alice being there. Bella seemed to relax, laughing more without flirting less. A few times, she lightly touched my arm as she addressed me. It was the first time we'd ever made physical contact, and my ears flushed hot each time she did it. Her hand was so tiny, her touch so loving. I inwardly groaned, knowing that whatever happened between us now would not be easy, and that was all my fault.

The dessert plates were cleared, and we sat in silence as the band began to play a slow song. Her hand was on my arm again, and I could hear her chair creak as she leaned toward me. "Edward, would you dance with me?"

Me, dancing? No, I knew that was a bad idea. "Thanks for asking Bella, but I'm not really a dancer. Maybe one of the other guys..."

"I don't want to dance with any of the other guys." Her voice was suddenly shy and meek. "I want to dance with you."

Summoning all the courage I could muster and swallowing hard, I moved my chair away from the table and stood, extending my hand toward her. "Lead the way."

Bella took my hand, and I tugged it slightly to help her up out of her seat. I expected her to lead me by my hand or maybe even place my hand on her shoulder as she'd probably seen Jasper do a time or two. What I didn't expect was what she did.

She pulled my arm around her and placed my hand on her waist.

"Is this okay?" She didn't even try to hide teasing tone of her voice.

I nodded a little too enthusiastically. "Y-yes, this is fine."

A tiny gasp and the tinkle of a charm bracelet let me know that Alice and probably Jasper were watching the entire exchange. My face was blazing in embarrassment, and I knew I'd never hear the end of it.

Usually, if someone wanted to guide me, they would offer their elbow. With my parents, Jasper, and Alice, I preferred just a light touch on their shoulder. It was awkward trying to navigate the floor with only my hand at Bella's waist. Like this, however, I could feel the beginning of the swell of her hip with my pinky, and I wasn't about to give that up.

Finally, Bella stopped, and, as she turned to face me, my hand brushed around her waist until it rested at the opposite side. I brought my free hand up to the small of her back and pulled her to me, her arms coming up to encircle my neck. I kept a respectable distance as we gently swayed, but I still felt her warm breath on my neck as she whispered to me.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Her muscles were tense underneath my fingers.

My hand, having a mind of its own, rubbed small, soothing circles on her back. "Sure, Bella, you can tell me anything."

"I asked Alice to seat me next to you." Judging from the absence of warmth, she was holding her breath.

"Really?" No, my voice didn't break like a pre-pubescent undergoing a voice change, not at all.

Her arms tightened around my neck, and she pressed herself against me. The soft curves of her body molded to me, and I tried to calm my breathing as my hand moved from her waist to brush up and down her side. I felt the heat of her released breath, and the tiniest whimper escaped her lips. Unable to stop myself, I leaned down and found her cheek with the tip of my nose, brushing it across and inhaling her tart scent. She shivered in response.

The beautiful, slow song ended and a cacophony of dance music started. We didn't move a muscle.

"Edward?" Bella asked, her voice breathy.

"Yes?" I replied, almost choking.

"Would you like to go to the museum garden with me? Get away from all this noise?"

My heart, which had been pounding previously, completely stopped. "Um, yeah, that would be great. But," I continued timidly, "I'll need to hold on to your arm this time, if that's okay." While touching her waist had been the highlight of my life at that point, I knew I'd never make such a long walk unscathed that way.

Bella's arms and body pulled away from me, and the loss of contact left me cold. My frown had just begun its downturn when she grabbed my left hand, placing it on her right crooked arm. Oh, she'd Googled that, I was sure, and I smiled as I pulled my cane from my pocket and extended it.

"Are you ready?" she cooed.

"Walk away. I will follow."

She giggled. Surely she knew the effect that giggle had on me. "Did you just quote U2 to me?"

If I didn't think I was already falling for her, her knowledge of early 80s U2 would have clinched it. "Maybe."

She tugged my arm and began to walk. Her pace was steady, and we walked comfortably through the room. I felt the cool air and heard the door open. The concrete turned to grass under my feet, and I was thankful there were no stairs. As we walked a little further, I detected a sweet floral scent, and I realized it wasn't the garden. It was Bella, carried on the breeze.

"There's a bench here," she said as she slowed. "Sit with me?"

I nodded, and she walked us to the bench. Once my cane made contact, I felt for the seat and sat down. Bella sat to my left and took my hand. I looked up toward the sky and could make out the faintest white blur. "Is that the full moon?" I asked, pointing toward it.

She squeezed my hand. "Yes, and it's beautiful tonight. The sky is so clear, and the moon seems unusually big and bright. And the stars, they're sparkling."

I sighed. This beautiful woman was describing the moon to me, and I wanted to hear her describe everything always. "When I heard the rain this afternoon, I was hoping it would clear out in time to see the moon."

"How much of it can you see?" Her voice wasn't wary. It was compassionate and interested.

"Just a blur. It's white, though, so I hoped it was the moon." I shrugged. "But it could have just as well been a street lamp or a flood light."

"How did it happen?" Now she was sheepish. I didn't like sheepish Bella, and I wanted her to feel comfortable again.

"When I was ten, they found a tumor, an optic nerve glioma. It was in the optic chiasm, which is where the optic nerves from your eyes meet. Of course, I had to have the worse case the doctors had seen in years, and the only option left was surgery. When they removed the tumor, it damaged my eyesight in both eyes." In the thousand times I'd probably told this story, I'd never wanted to share it more...or wished more than I didn't need to. "I remember a lot of things from then: colors, the faces of my family, the moon. I try to imagine what people and things look like based on what I remember from my childhood. I'm still not sure I've got Alice's hair quite right," I said, laughing.

She squeezed my hand again. "How much of me can you see?"

"I see everything that's important."

If I thought her giggle was torturous, her gasp was my undoing. "Um...uh...I mean, my face and everything. How much can you see?"

I frowned. "Nothing. I mean, I see a dark blur, but there aren't any details."

"You're not missing anything." Her voice practically shrugged.

"I think I'm probably missing quite a lot." I knew the next thing I said would sound like a bad blind guy's pickup line, but I wanted to touch her. God, how I wanted to touch her. "Would you mind if I touched your face?"

"You don't normally do that." She was on to me.

"No, I don't."

She took the hand she was holding and placed it against her cheek. Her skin was slightly chilled from the night air, but there was so much heat underneath. I rubbed the pad of my thumb along her cheekbone and up toward her closed eye. Her lashes were thick and long, and they fluttered against my finger. She was sighing.

"What color are your eyes?" I whispered.

"Brown," she said in a breathy voice.

"Oh, you can do better than that," I teased.

"My dad says they're like big cups of hot chocolate."

"Tasty." I felt a blush spread across my face when I realized what I'd said.

I brought my other hand up and found her nose with the tip of my index finger. It was small and curved, like the rest of her seemed to be. I leaned over and briefly brushed my nose against hers, and, this time, I was the one sighing. Sitting up, my finger resumed it's travels, grazing her lips before tracing their outline. They were delicate, pillowy, and...quivering?

"Are you okay? I can stop..."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Please don't."

My other hand still cupping her cheek, I moved my hand from her lips to stroke the crown of her head. As I caressed the back of her head, I found her hair was piled in a bun. Without asking, I began hunting for the securing pins, pulling them out as I found them. Finally, the bun fell apart, and her hair fell over my hand. I placed the pins I'd collected in my jacket pocket, and I returned to her hair, running my fingers through the silky waves until they cascaded down her back.

"What color?" I asked. "And please don't say brown."

She laughed. "To quote my dad again, it's dark chestnut, which is a fancy way of saying dark brown."

"I think your dad is my second favorite person right now." My fingers tightened around the hair at the nape of her neck, and I began to whisper. "I need you to stay very still. Can you do that for me?"

"Y-yes."

I knew this would be less awkward, less fumbling if I just asked her to do it. But I wanted it to be me making the decision, me coming to her, me making a final declaration after a night filled with her silently declaring how she felt about me.

Moving from her cheek, my hand fanned its fingers along her jaw, and my fingertips brushed a path to the corner of her mouth. Following my arm's path to my destination, I leaned toward her and tentatively moved my mouth until it finally found hers. Once my lips were home, my hand fell to her back, pulling her toward me.

I placed a chaste yet electrified kiss on her mouth but didn't pull away. "You can move now," I whispered.

Her hands eased over my chest until she found the lapels of my jacket, and, grasping them, she pulled me even closer. We kissed again, and the energy surged between us. Our lips moved together, and, when she sucked my bottom lip between hers, I moaned against her. Slipping my tongue between my lips, I gingerly nudged her with its tip, wordlessly asking her for more. The simple gesture seemed to melt her in my arms, and she parted her lips.

I tilted her head and explored her, tasted her. She was so much more delectable than I'd imagined. Her lips and tongue moved in perfect time with mine. I'd never been so lost so quickly. No, I'd never been this lost period.

After what could have been minutes or hours, we parted, and I rested my forehead against hers.

"Wow," she said breathlessly.

"Wow is right." I tried to even out my breathing, but it was hopeless. "I've wanted to do that for so long."

She released my lapel and cupped my cheek with her newly-freed hand. "Why didn't you? I wanted you to."

I ignored the question. "God, you are so beautiful."

She sighed. "No, you're the beautiful one."

Kissing her gently, I muttered against her lips. "You will never know how much you shine."

"What's that?"

"Another song."

"Will you sing it to me?"

"Someday."

We were quiet for a moment before she spoke. "Why did you never kiss me before?"

Damn, she didn't forget. "This will be hard, you know." I bowed my head, thinking of the few sighted women I'd dated. Maybe I was a bad judge of people, but none of them handled my challenges well.

Her hand stroked my cheek. "Nothing easy is worth having."

I turned my face toward her hand and kissed her palm. "Would you like to come home with me...to talk?" I blushed again. "It's not as cheeky as it sounds. My parents are there."

"I know," she whispered.

Rolling my eyes, I huffed in mock irritation. "Damn it, they were in on it, too! I knew it! Seems like the only person not in on it was your dad."

She burst out in a lusty laugh. "Don't be so sure. I called him to make sure my eye and hair color descriptions were, um, descriptive enough. For a cop, his ease with it is a little unnerving."

Wrapping my arm around her waist, I drew her close to my side, and we relaxed back onto the bench. "Sounds like someone's been busy Googling 'how to seduce blind guys.'"

"I had to do something. You were taking forever."

She lay her head on my shoulder, and we sat staring at the moon. I held her close, and she played with my tie, loosening the death knot my mother made. To say I was content was an understatement. I was jubilant, enraptured, euphoric...and apparently a thesaurus as well.

"Should we go inside and find Alice and Jasper?" I could tell she didn't really want to move from our spot.

"No, let them find us. I'm perfectly happy right here." I nuzzled the top of her head. "Can I kiss you again?"

"Yes, and, for the record, you don't have to ask again, ever." She giggled that damn giggle again.

Titling her head up, I gave her a fleeting kiss. "Well, just for the record, that giggle of yours drives me mad."

"I know."

Meeting her lips with mine, I was lost again, and I could tell I wasn't the only one. As we kissed and talked and kissed again, I knew I was never letting this girl go.

* * *

**A/N: The U2 song that Edward quotes is "I Will Follow" from their **_**Boy**_** album, which was released in 1980.**

**http://www . youtube . com/watch?v=ltIoOBV-iUs**

**I've already promised Greta that this Edward and Bella will be back for a Valentine's Day one-shot, which will likely have a different rating. If you want to know when that story is posted, please create an author alert for me.**


	2. This Year's Love

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: This story was originally posted as part of Ms. Kathy's Haiti compilation, and I'm posting it a day early as part of the Fic Bridge's Reader Appreciation Day. So, you know what that means, right? Yep, I'm going thank you crazy! ;)**

**THANK YOU to all my readers. Your support and feedback mean a lot to me, and I am glad so many people enjoy the stories I write with SM's lovely characters.**

**THANK YOU to everyone who donated money to Haiti relief. The response to the drive was tremendous and a sign of what our fandom can do together.**

**THANK YOU to everyone who loves TBW and has rec'd it to others. I especially want to thank erikasbuddy and mskathy, who have been HUGE TBW cheerleaders.**

**THANK YOU (again) to erikasbuddy, who is not only the best beta a girl could have, she's also the bestest buddy, too!**

**THANK YOU to all my wonderful friends in the fandom who are supporting me during another hard time with my Crohn's disease. My bad days have been outnumbering my good lately, and I'm forever grateful to everyone who has tweeted or emailed me, sent me Rob porn, and continued to send me get-well wishes. P.S. I can never receive too much Rob porn ;)**

**THANK YOU most of all to my DH, who has been here before and will be here again. He bears it all with love and devotion that I truly don't deserve. I love you.**

* * *

**This Year's Love**

_This year's love had better last.  
__Heaven knows it's high time,  
__And I've been waiting on my own too long.  
__But when you hold me like you do,  
__It feels so right  
__I start to forget  
__How my heart gets torn  
__When that hurt gets thrown  
__Feeling like you can't go on._

_~ This Year's Love (David Gray)  
http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=pcvz3kmI3_k_

Twenty days.

That's how long it had been since I kissed Bella the first time.

I'd made it a point to kiss her every day since. Well, except for Christmas day, which she spent in Forks visiting her parents.

Christmas in Redmond never felt so lonely.

We talked on the phone, though, and I finally got to thank her father for teaching her that her eyes and hair weren't simply brown. In return, he thanked me for making his little girl smile again. I wasn't sure what the "again" was about, but I accepted his gratitude all the same.

New Year's Eve was always a big deal at my parents' house, and it seemed to be more so this year. My parents were nervous wrecks, fussing over every detail and fretting that Bella might not have a good time. They seemed to love her as much as I did.

Yep, I said it. Yep, I know it had only been twenty days.

But when you know, you know.

The last time New Year's Eve was this stressful was the one before I lost my sight. My family, knowing I'd likely have surgery early the next year, strove to make the night extra special just in case it was the last one I'd see. We watched Dick Clark count down the seconds until the ball dropped in Times Square, then we shot off fireworks once it tolled midnight in Seattle.

It was the second most wonderful night of my life. It was once the first...until the Christmas party and Bella.

I spent the day helping my mother ready the house for her guests, and, every few minutes, I opened the face of my watch to tactually check the time. I'd stopped pressing the button that announced the hours and minutes after my mother threatened to strangle me if she heard the robotic voice one more time. I was just anxious to deliver my kiss for the day and have Bella in my arms. When the doorbell chimed at 6 o'clock, I couldn't get to the door fast enough.

Yanking the door open, I noticed there were too many blurs for it just to be Bella. "Hello?"

"Well, hello there, little brother!" Jasper clapped his hand heavily on my shoulder.

A soft kiss fell on my cheek. "Happy New Year, Edward!" Alice had been trying to reign in the unannounced attacks, and I missed them.

"Hey, guys," I said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"And guess who we found wondering aimlessly in the front yard?" Jasper slapped my back as he and Alice walked past me into the house.

I realized there was one last blur remaining...a strawberry-and-honeysuckle-scented blur. I held out my hand, and, as she took it, her warmth infused me. I might meet a million women in my lifetime, but I was sure I'd always know her touch and the softness of her skin apart from them all. Her hand slowly brushed up my arm as she came closer, and we enveloped each other in a tight embrace.

"I'm ready for today's kiss," she whispered.

_Me, too, baby. Me, too._

She pulled back, and we began our ritual. Feeling her breath on my face, I knew she had tilted her head up to me. I felt her nose, chilled from the cold December air, rub softly against mine. Home was just a few centimeters lower, and I dipped down, pressing my lips against hers. The fullness and comfort I found there always made me groan, no matter how many times I kissed her. Burying my fingers in her silky hair, I tilted her head, and she opened up to me. Our tongues met, the sweet taste of her overwhelming me as it always did.

Lost...I was always lost when we were like this, but I knew one family member or the other would soon invade our perfect cocoon. Plus, we would have time alone later.

I reluctantly broke our seal, kissing her once more on the forehead. "Are you ready to usher in a new year with my crazy family?"

"Definitely. Especially if you promise to kiss me like that at midnight." Her face, buried in the crook of my neck, was on fire, from her blush or her desire, I wasn't sure.

"Do I have to wait?" I placed one more gentle kiss on her hot cheek and turned, taking her hand and leading her into the house.

I instantly began counting the seconds until midnight.

~*~

I clicked my cane impatiently against the wood floor as I barreled down the hall, dragging Bella behind me.

Her feet shuffled rapidly, and she giggled. "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere private...finally."

Dinner with my family was great. Cringing as they told embarrassing stories from my childhood was great. Gathering around the TV and listening to Ryan Seacrest count down the seconds until midnight in New York was great. But I was tired of great.

I was ready for wonderful.

"How do you keep from getting lost in this place?" She was breathless.

"Why?" I teased. "Because I'm blind?"

"No, because this place is freakin' _huge_."

We made the final turn, and I pointed toward the end of the hall. "That's where we're going."

When I reached the heavy wooden door, I swung it open, standing aside and motioning her ahead of me. She gasped, and I knew I was right to bring her here.

This room had been my sanctuary when I was sick and even more so during the dark months after I lost my sight. I wasn't always well-adjusted and accepting; I'd once been a dark terror who wanted to punish everyone for things they couldn't control or fix. It was in this room, when I was ten, that my parents sat me down and told me I had cancer. In this same room, a year later, they told me they loved me and that the pity party was over.

My mother hadn't changed the room much since then, and I could imagine what Bella saw. Dark wood paneling lined the far wall, while floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, loaded with tome after tome, made up the right and left walls. Directly in front of us was a plush leather sofa and, to the northwest of that, a baby grand piano stood.

As I followed her into the room, I felt the heat and heard the popping of a fire. I asked Jasper to build it, and, forever the loyal brother and wingman, he didn't let me down.

"It's beautiful!" Bella's voice was full of awe. She pulled me forward, wrapping her arms around my waist.

I kissed the top of her head, stealthily sniffing her hair. "I thought you might like it. It's my favorite room in the entire house."

Releasing me, she moved around the room, and I imagined her running her hand over the spines lining the shelves. "So many books," she whispered. Her footsteps stopped, and I was pretty sure I knew which shelf she was browsing. "Braille books. Wow, there's a lot of them."

"I loved to read as a kid." I walked to the familiar point in the room and held out my hand for hers. "I don't get much time to read anything except computer manuals now."

Taking my hand, she placed it on a book. "What's this?"

I ran my fingers lightly over the bumps. "That's _Dune_, and the next five are beside it."

"And this?" She lifted my hand and raised it to the shelf above.

"That is _A Separate Peace_. A pretty great book, if you ask me." I remembered reading it in my high school advanced English class and made a mental note to read it again soon.

"Will you read something to me?"

It only took a few seconds to know which book I'd pick. "Well, if this is _A Separate Peace_ then..." I moved down two shelves and touched until I found it. "Exactly where it should be."

I pulled the book from the shelf and handed it to Bella. We made our way to the couch, hand in hand, and I sat first, folding my cane and dropping it to the floor. I patted the spot next to me and immediately felt the cushion shift as she sat down. I held out my hands and felt the weight of the book placed there.

Braille books are much larger than their traditional print counterparts, and, open, it covered my entire lap. Flipping through the pages, I finally found the passage I wanted to read. I placed the fingertips of both hands at the beginning of the first line. I had practically memorized the words when I first discovered them in college, but I enjoyed feeling the raised dots form letters and words and sentences against my skin.

Taking a deep breath, I began to read.

_i carry your heart with me(i carry it in__  
__my heart) i am never without it(anywhere__  
__i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done__  
__by only me is your doing,my darling)__  
__i fear__  
__no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want__  
__no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)__  
__and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant__  
__and whatever a sun will always sing is you__  
__  
__here is the deepest secret nobody knows__  
__(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud__  
__and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows__  
__higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)__  
__and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart__  
__  
__i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)_

With the last word still reverberating in my chest, I rested my hands, palms down, on the pages. I couldn't look at her. I knew if I did, she'd see how much I already loved her, and I had an irrational fear that, if she didn't feel the same, I'd somehow be able to see that when I could distinguish nothing else.

The book was slowly pulled from my lap, and its heft was replaced with the familiar weight of Bella straddling me. My hands wandered over her thighs and rested on her hips, urging her forward until our bodies pressed tight against each other. Her fingers laced through my hair and tilted my head.

The instant our lips touched, whatever patience we'd had dissipated. We became a tangle of limbs and tongues, tasting and touching in a desperate way new to us. The desire wasn't new; I felt it crackle like static between us every time we were in the same room. But the expression of it was different. She clung tightly to me, her soft body melding with mine. Her mouth moved along my jaw and down my neck, her warm lips parting against my skin and gently sucking my flesh. I just wanted her to consume me until there was nothing left. But first I needed to tell her...I had to let her know.

"Bella, I..."

My words were stopped by the gentle pressure of her fingers against my lips, and I felt her breath caress my ear. "I love you, Edward."

Twisting my hand in her hair, I tugged her face toward mine, swallowing her sighs as I kissed her again and again. "I love you, too," I whispered in the brief moments our lips weren't touching.

Going tense in my arms, she buried her face in the crook of my neck. "Feeling this way...it scares me. I've been so hurt before." Her voice was meek and far away.

"Never. I'll never hurt you. I promise." Cupping her cheek, I leaned down and met her lips with mine.

My kiss, meant to be soothing and reassuring, quickly transformed into a needy, intense claiming of each other. She felt and tasted so good, and I was quickly losing what little control I walked into this room with. Running my hand down her neck, I nudged her shirt down to reveal her shoulder, and my tongue quickly followed to lap against her salty skin.

Before I could register the creak of the door and the footsteps entering the room, my mother's voice sounded behind me. "Hey, guys, you're going to miss...oh!"

More footsteps, these rapid, followed her. "Esme!" Alice cried. "Geez, Edward, I'm so sorry. I tried to stop her."

"You know, if you'd just keep the 'rents in the loop and quit trying to keep everything on the down low, you'd still be getting busy right now," my mother said, laughing.

I let my head fall back on the couch. "Dear God, kill me now."

Bella's gentle kiss on my cheek and soft giggle in my ear made me smile. "Come on, handsome, we're busted."

I reluctantly released her, and she slid off my lap. Standing, I smoothed my clothes and found my cane, while my mother and Alice laughed their way down the hall.

"Really," my mother said, "it must be a Cullen tradition to seduce their women in that room."

Alice guiltily coughed in response.

My entire body shuddered, and I shook my head vigorously to rid myself of the mental images. "Yeah, I'm never coming in here again."

Bella threaded her fingers through mine and tugged me toward the door. "Like hell you aren't. We're not going against tradition." She kissed me hard and quickly, a brief promise of things to come. "Now come on, we don't want to miss the Cullen countdown to midnight."

As we left our sanctuary behind to join the others, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her into my side. My Bella. And now I was her Edward. Someday, maybe soon, we'd start to make our own traditions. Together.

* * *

**A/N: The poem Edward reads is by E. E. Cummings.**

******http://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/E_e_cummings**  



	3. Loosen My Lips

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: After much consideration, the rating for the TBW stories has been changed to M.**

**Playlist song: ****http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=aHx4BlF6V2o**

* * *

**Loosen My Lips**

Looking up, all I see is her face, radiant and smiling. Her soft hair is cascading all around me and smells of strawberries.

"Edward," she whispers, licking her lips. Her eyes are bright and full of impure intentions.

I swallow hard, running my hand down her bare back. "Yes, Bella?"

"Make love to me."

"Jasper cell." _Ring_. "Jasper cell." _Ring._

Turning over in bed, I snatched up the evil phone of perpetual frustration and flipped it open. "Damn it, Jasper, this better be good. I was having the most excellent dream..."

"Dream? It's after noon. Why the hell are you still in bed?"

"My flight back from the code camp was delayed, and I didn't get home until late." Finally waking up, I realized he seemed angry. "What's up, Jasper?"

"Think maybe you can tell me why _your _girlfriend keeps having lunch with _my _wife, who then gives me the stink eye all afternoon?"

Things between Bella and I were great, and we'd been almost inseparable since New Year's Eve. She hadn't mentioned anything unpleasant at work; she actually seemed to love her job. I was at a loss to explain what could be upsetting her and, in turn, Alice.

"Well, did you _ask _Alice about it?"

Jasper expelled an angry huff. "She said I should talk to my stupid brother."

"Really?" I sat up in bed, running my free hand through my bed hair. "That can't be good."

"Edward," Jasper said, his voice calmed, softened, "how did Bella seem last night?"

Even though my plane landed well past 11PM, Bella insisted on picking me up at the airport. I'd only been gone three days, but it seemed like I hadn't held her in forever. She melted in my arms without hesitation. We spent a couple of hours on the couch reacquainting ourselves with each other's taste, and she kissed me soundly at the door when she left.

"She was okay when she went home..."

"Went home? I thought you said you got in late." Jasper wasn't letting it go until he had his answer. "Why didn't she spend the night? Did you do something to piss her off? I swear, Edward, if you..."

"She doesn't spend the night, okay!" In my frustration, I revealed more than I meant to, and I blushed realizing it. "I mean, she hasn't yet."

"Geez...you haven't spent the night together because you haven't told her yet, have you?"

My silence was the only confirmation he needed.

"I figured since our New Year's talk it had become a non-issue. You've got to tell her."

"I know," I said, sighing.

"Edward, don't screw this up. She'll understand."

We spoke for several more minutes, Jasper apologizing for his initial irritation and again encouraging me to talk to Bella. As much as I appreciated Jasper's concern, it was mortifying on the whole. I hadn't talked to him about it again because I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, least of all Bella. But she had to be upset to go to Alice, and our lives together would be challenging enough without me placing more roadblocks in our way.

I'd tell her tonight.

~*~

"The chicken is at six o'clock and the slaw at two, which leaves the mashed potatoes at ten. Do you want a beer?"

Every time we ate, Bella remembered I preferred my food in a 2-6-10 configuration, and that tiny effort made me love her all the more. She even went out of her way to bring me Church's Fried Chicken, the best fast food fried chicken ever, to celebrate my returning home.

I reached out and found her, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her to me. Placing a kiss on her stomach, I sighed when she ran her fingers through my hair.

"A beer would be perfect."

My arms were once again empty, and I heard the fridge open and the beer bottles clink against each other. The distinctive pop of the bottle opening was quickly followed by Bella kissing my head before placing the beer to my right. She took her seat at the table, and we ate our dinner as we chatted about my trip and her work.

Connected, fused, melded...that's what we were. The instant she entered a room, I could sense her, feel her movements toward and away from me. I heard her every breath and could feel the reverberations of her heartbeat. And it wasn't some mystical blind guy superpower. I'd never felt this way about another person my entire life. As she sat across from me, these sensations gave her blur some shape and distinction, as if I could almost see her.

But something was bothering her, and I hadn't seen that.

Why didn't she tell me?

After we finished eating, I cleared the dishes while Bella put the leftovers away. When I placed the last fork in the dishwasher, I found her sitting on the couch, and she snuggled into my side as soon as I sat next to her. What I wanted to do was kiss her until we both couldn't breathe. What I needed to do was talk to her.

"Baby," I whispered before kissing the crown of her head, "Jasper said you had lunch with Alice today."

Her entire body stiffened, and she held her breath. Something was definitely wrong.

"You know you can tell me whatever it is that's bothering you, right?" My unanswered question hung in the air, and I wasn't sure she heard me.

She sat up suddenly, grabbing my face in her hands and turning me toward her. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Bella, I do."

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then why don't you want me?"

"Bella..." My voice trailed off, and I hung my head, ashamed to look at her. The doubt in her voice was painful to hear, and for once I was glad I couldn't see the expression on her face.

Her hands fell away from me, and she moved to the other end of the couch. "It's okay, Edward. I just thought...I mean I can feel something when you touch me...at least I thought I could." Standing up, she walked past me and toward the door. "I'll just go now. We can talk later...when I'm less humiliated."

Her voice had an angry edge to it. She picked up her keys and was almost to the door before I finally spoke.

"I dream about you every night."

She sighed. "What?"

"I dream about you every night. About the softness of your skin and the weight of your body on mine. About the way your hair would fall around us...how you must taste."

I jumped when I felt her fingers thread slowly through my hair. So intent on stopping her, I hadn't heard her come back to me. I bit my lip, trying not to moan as she tenderly, lovingly massaged my scalp.

"Then why..."

I tried to look down at my feet, but she tugged my hair until I looked up at her.

"Because I've done...stuff...but I'm still a virgin, Bella."

A tiny gasp escaped her lips. "Wow, that's...huge." She continued to stroke my head, but, after a few moments of silence, her hands froze. "Do you not want your first time to be with me?"

Throwing my arms around her hips, I pulled her down until she was sitting in my lap, her head on my shoulder. "I do. I want that more than anything."

"I don't understand, Edward. If you want me, why haven't you done anything about it?"

"First times are always awkward and clumsy, and I'm afraid it would be doubly so for me." I lifted her face and kissed her cheek. "I'm terrified I'll disappoint you."

She curved her arm around my neck and pulled me closer, whispering as she brushed her lips against mine. "You could never disappoint me."

Opening my mouth, I captured her bottom lip between my teeth and bit down gently. At the sound of her soft moan, I surrendered, crushing her against me and plunging my tongue into the warm sweetness of her mouth. I kissed along her jaw until I reached her ear, sucking her earlobe while she writhed in my lap.

"God, I want you, Bella," I whispered against her ear. "You don't know how much."

"Show me."

Her husky voice wasn't requesting; it was demanding. Pushing her back on the couch, I followed her, kissing her unrelentingly and determined to give her all she wanted. Based on the way her body embraced mine, I was sure she wanted everything.

Suddenly breaking our kiss, she pushed me away. "Wait! No, not like this!"

Panting, I dropped my head onto her heaving chest. I might be a virgin, but I was positive there was no way I'd already managed to screw up. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I want your first time to be special, not some fumble on the couch." She brushed my wild hair from my damp brow and kissed my forehead.

I ran my hands up her sides and felt her shiver as I began licking across her exposed collarbone. The salty tang of her skin made my mouth water. "I love you. Anything between us, especially if it involves being naked, will be special." I bit down on her shoulder and smiled when she groaned. "Of that I'm absolutely positive."

"Edward..."

Oh no, it was the singsong pleading that always resulted in me doing exactly what she wanted.

I let my head fall back onto her chest and sighed loudly and dramatically. "Okay." Then I flashed the crooked smile that always resulted in _her_ doing exactly what _I_ wanted. "Do I at least get to know when the big day will be?"

"Of course." She giggled, turning my insides to mush. "Valentine's Day."

~*~

I'm not sure what I expected. It's not like Bella was going to appear at my door naked at 12:01AM on Valentine's Day offering to deflower me.

Okay, maybe I hoped a little.

What I didn't expect was to spend Valentine's Day with my family. Alice, who I love most days, was the bane of my existence when she decided that Valentine's Day falling on a Sunday meant we should all get together for a triple date brunch. Once she had Mom on board, we all knew we had to fall in line.

I couldn't tell you what we talked about or whether the food was good. All I can remember about brunch was the heat radiating off Bella's body and the sound of her giggles as she got a little tipsy on Mimosas. Oh, and the feel of her hand stroking my thigh under the table, a silent promise of things to come.

When we reached my apartment door, my hands shook so badly I couldn't get the key in the lock. Bella gently wrapped her fingers around mine, steadying my hand and guiding me. I leaned down and buried my nose in her soft hair, inhaling deeply as the lock finally clicked. We walked inside, shedding our coats, and Bella excused herself for a minute. I sat on the couch, my leg bouncing nervously. I began to wonder what was the correct way to ask your girlfriend to have sex with you.

"Dear, may we have relations now?" No, too formal.

"Hey, there baby, like what you see? Wanna see more?" Oh, God, I wanted to bleach my brain for even _thinking_ that.

"Please, can we just have sex already?" Yeah, needy and desperate...that's exactly the way to go. I mentally rolled my eyes.

Lost in my thoughts, I barely felt her approaching. Her fingers rested on my shoulder, and she slowly stroked down my arm until she reached my hand, taking it in hers. Tugging it, I knew without her asking that she meant me to follow. I recognized the path to the bedroom, and my breath caught. She led me to the bed, and I sat on the edge, unsure of what to do next.

She pushed my legs further apart and stood between them. Instinctively raising my hands to her hips, I found her soft, full curves draped in silk. I continued to carefully explore and realized that she was wearing a short silk chemise, delicate stitching at the hem. "What color?" I asked, examining the thin straps over her shoulders.

"A medium coral pink." She placed my hand on the stitching. "This is caramel."

My fingers inched under the hem until my hand rested flat on her leg. Running my hand over her hip, I found nothing but bare skin. I looked up at her, smirking.

She giggled, surely torturing me purposely. "I figured it gave us one less thing to fumble with."

Clasping her hands, I pulled her down, searching for her mouth with mine. After a kiss on the cheek followed by one on the chin, our lips finally met. Taking her bottom lip between mine, I could taste traces of champagne and orange. I yearned to taste her deeply, and, when her mouth slowly opened, I did. I pulled back, kissing my way along her jaw. My face buried in her hair, I sucked hard on her neck, hoping to leave at least a faint mark of possession. Her head fell back, and I pulled her closer, pressing her into my chest. Quiet moans spurred me on, her sounds reassuring me.

"Bella, I need you to tell me how I make you feel." I kissed my way to her ear and nibbled around the shell. "I need you to be loud."

Pulling one strap over her shoulder then the other, I heard the rustle of the chemise as it fell to the floor. I began to explore her bare body, running my fingers over the swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips, and roundness of her bottom. No silk could compare to the feel of her skin, milky smooth under my hands. Her flesh warmed to my touch, and she gasped, her sounds so much louder now.

She began to unbutton my shirt. "You are entirely too dressed up for the occasion."

Tugging my hand until I stood, she continued to undress me, helping me shed my shirt before unbuckling my belt. I held my breath as she unzipped my pants and hooked her thumbs underneath the waistband of my boxer briefs. She slowly pushed my pants and briefs down to my ankles, and the cool air and her touch caused goosebumps to break out across my legs. I stepped out of my clothes, kicking them to the side. Her splayed hands ran fiery paths from my feet to my hips then over my chest to rest on my shoulders. Once there, she applied gentle downward pressure.

"Sit back down, baby."

I did as I was told and was rewarded with a tight embrace, finally feeling her naked body against mine. My hands clamped over her hips, crushing her against the unrelenting hardness that plagued me every time I was near her. We both groaned, and she writhed against me, teasing me, before letting me go. My whimper was immediately followed by a fierce blush.

Her giggle came from a bit lower than I expected, and it was quickly followed by tender kisses and licks along the inside of both thighs. Reaching out, I touched her soft hair, caressing the back of her head. When I felt her hand wrap around me and slowly stroke, I almost lost it.

"Does that feel good?" Her voice sounded a bit smug.

"G-G-God yes, you know it does."

I was quickly losing the ability to speak, and all she'd done was touch me. Before I could gather myself, her tongue began making lazy circles around the head of my cock, and my eyes practically rolled into the back of my head. Placing one quick kiss on the tip, she parted her lips and consumed me. My hand buried in her hair, I tried not to push down or thrust up, instead letting her control everything. There was something exquisite about surrendering to her, allowing her to take the lead. I was finally able to relax and simply feel the beautiful warmth of her mouth around me.

Pulling away, she pushed me down the bed. I swung my legs around until I was nestled in the center of the bed, and the mattress dipped as she climbed and lay down beside me. I turned toward her, and my outstretched hand made contact with her breast. Cupping it, feeling its weight in my hand, I brushed my thumb across her nipple, which was puckered and hard. She moaned, and I repeated the action so I could hear her again.

"What color is your nipple?"

She laughed. "You're fixated on colors, aren't you?"

I began pinching and pulling. "It helps make the dreams more realistic."

"What..." She paused to moan loudly. "What do you see when you dream?"

"Because I lost my sight when I did, I see everything when I dream." I leaned toward my fingers, finding her breast with my mouth, and lapped against her nipple. Another moan. "Since I don't know exactly what you look like, you always end up looking sorta like Sandra Bullock."

She was panting now, her hand cradling the back of my head. "Sandra Bullock?"

"Yeah, _Speed_ was one of the last movies I saw before the surgery." Wrapping my lips around her nipple, I sucked gently, which caused her to arch her back and press herself closer to me. "Come on, baby," I whispered against her skin. "Tell me the color."

"L-l-l-light rosy brown."

"Mmmmm." Licking a path to her other breast, I took the nipple in my mouth, flicking my tongue against it before sucking it hard.

As I moved back and forth, kissing, licking, and sucking, she let her hand fall from my head. Covering my hand with hers, she guided it downward, over her quivering stomach, until it came to rest between her legs. There was so much heat, so much wetness there. She felt amazing.

She released my hand, allowing me to explore on my own. Massaging her slowly, I tentatively slipped my fingers between her lips and quickly found her swollen clit. Each pass of my fingertips made her gasp, and I laid my ear against her chest, listening to her heart as it pounded faster and louder. I slowly plunged my index finger inside her, grazing her clit with my thumb, and began to thrust in time with her heartbeat.

"Oh, God, Edward...just...like...that."

I knew from the sound of her voice that I was seconds from making the most beautiful woman in the world fall apart. I loved that sound, and I wanted to hear it again and again. Turning my head, I took her nipple in my mouth, and one hard suck and one final thrust of my finger was all she needed to go over the edge. Her cries filled the room, and I waited until she came completely down before I pulled my hand away from her. I brought my fingers to my mouth and heard her groan as I sucked them clean. Her taste was indescribable, so unlike anything else. It was something I knew I'd want more of.

Lying on my back, I pulled her on top of me, relishing the weight of her body on mine. She rained kisses along my jaw and down my neck, finally resting her mouth over my ear. Her hot breath made me shiver, and she giggled.

"Are you ready, Edward?" she whispered seductively.

"Yes...please." When she began to move off of me, I grabbed her hips to stop her. "No, like this."

Her hands on my shoulders, she lifted herself and straddled me. Not sure what to do with my hands, I dug my fingers into the soft flesh of her hips. She raised further, her hand around my shaft guiding me to her. I gasped as I felt her take me inside her, slowly lowering herself onto me. When we were completely joined, she stopped, a deep moan echoing through the room. I'd never wanted to see her more than I did at that moment, and I willed the sorrow away, instead focusing on the warmth and wetness of her surrounding me.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

Her movements were like slow torture as she rode me, grinding hard against me each time I was fully inside her. I tried to stay still, let her control me, but soon I was thrusting my hips up to meet her. What began as easy, deliberate strokes became forceful crashes, each of us desperate for the other. Her heat and my hardness increased exponentially, and I wanted nothing but to feel the same sensations around my cock that I'd felt around my finger.

I ran my hands up her sides until I found her hands and, clasping them, pulled her down on top of me. Enfolding her in my arms, I rolled us over, thankful to have remained inside her. I rested my weight on my forearms and began thrusting deeply. She wrapped her legs around my waist, opening herself further for me. I sighed, feeling her fingers brush over my ribs and up my back. Shifting my weight to one arm, I ghosted my fingers over her face. Slick with sweat, her skin was on fire, and her swollen lips formed a perfect O.

"So beautiful," I whispered, nuzzling my nose against her ear.

She turned her head and tenderly kissed my cheek. "Come for me, Edward."

Her words incited me, and I thrust harder and faster. Feeling her body respond as it had earlier, I knew she was close. She was panting and gasping each time I filled her, and I begged her to let go, to let me feel her come around me. Arching her back, she screamed, and her body clenched and throbbed. It was all I'd ever wanted and more than I'd ever imagined, and, burying myself deep inside her, I exploded, repeating her name over and over again.

Reluctantly pulling away from her, I lay on my back, snaking my arm around her waist and bringing her to my side. She threw her arm over my chest, drawing random figures on my skin with her fingertips.

She giggled. "You know, for a first-timer, you're pretty good with those position changes."

"I've had lots of time to imagine them, and you know they say visualization leads to success." I kissed her forehead, licking the salt from my lips. "You think it would be too weird if I wrote a thank-you note to the guy that invented the pill?"

"I'm sure you wouldn't be the first. But," she continued meekly, "you are the first I've let...um..."

"Really?"

"You were giving me such a gift, letting me be your first, and I wanted to give you something in return." Her beautiful sentiment ended in a rather loud yawn.

"Seems I've tired you out." I hugged her tightly, kissing her forehead again. "Go to sleep, love. After a nap, we can have some dinner, and maybe you could stay the night."

She yawned again. "I'd really like that...both dinner and the night."

I listened as her breathing evened out and she began to softly snore. I'd been worried about my virginity scaring her away, but instead she viewed it as something special that I'd allowed her to have. She was happy to be my first. It was too soon to tell her I wanted her to be my only, but I would. Someday.

Wrapped up in her arms, I let her quiet sounds sing me to sleep.

* * *

**A/N:**

**A huge thank you to my lovely beta and Team Blindward Fan Club president, erikasbuddy, and my awesome pre-reader, cutie_sstb. They both have stories on FFn, and you should really check them out.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who donated to Haiti relief during mskathy's fundraising drive. Your efforts raised $85,712.98 for Haiti relief! Many thanks to mskathy for coordinating the effort, and to manyafandom for her work on creating the compilation.**

_**This Year's Love**_**, the TBW story I contributed, is on page 1328 (yes, there are a lot of pages!). On March 1st, it will become the 2nd chapter of this story.**

**Thank you to everyone who voted for TBW for the Best Kiss Golden Lemon Award. It was a great thrill to be nominated, especially with authors I love so much myself.**

**Last but not least, thank you for the continued love for my Edward (heart).**


	4. No Air

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**No Air**

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
__Can't live, can't breathe with no air  
__It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
__There's no air, no air  
_http:/www .youtube .com/watch?v=WBKnpyoFEBo

The hot water cascaded down my back. Its temperature was in stark contrast to the coolness of tile against my forehead. I ran my hands through my hair, pushing it away from my eyes. I couldn't relax despite the water beating down on me, and, after three weeks of moving and learning a new apartment layout, I needed to relax.

I just couldn't stop thinking about the news we'd heard at last night's dinner.

Alice was pregnant.

The entire family was thrilled. Alice and Bella had chatted the entire evening about nurseries, toys, bottles, and diapers. I heard the excitement in her voice every time she talked about the impending new Cullen.

Until then, I hadn't realized the obvious.

One day Bella would want kids. She would be a wonderful mother and have beautiful babies.

They just couldn't be mine.

A cool breeze blew across my bare back, and I shivered. Warm, delicate hands swept over my skin and wrapped around me as Bella pressed her body close to mine.

"Hey, handsome," Bella whispered. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

I couldn't resist leaning back against her. "You looked so peaceful. I wanted to let you sleep."

She kissed my shoulder. "But now we don't have time to wake up properly."

"I'm sorry, baby. We've got all weekend."

"Yeah, a weekend we're spending at the beach with your family." She giggled, and I smiled in spite of myself. "I love them, really I do, but they can be quite the bunch of cockblockers."

I spun around and found her lips to kiss her dirty mouth. "I'm sorry. It's a Cullen Labor Day tradition."

"I like being part of the tradition."

Hearing her say how much she liked being part of my family made me want to show her how much I loved her.

Pulling her closer, I cupped the soft, round globes of her ass with my hands. "Maybe we can be a little late after all."

Bella moaned. "Ah, now that's the wake-me-up I was hoping for."

~tbw~

We arrived at the beach house two hours late. Japser's elbow to my ribs let me know he was completely aware of what had detained us.

My mother and Alice cooked up a storm, while Bella brought several sides and desserts she'd made the day before. While everyone gathered for dinner on the deck and babbled away, I barely noticed or contributed to the conversation.

Every so often, Bella's hand would stroke my thigh under the table. The touch had no sexual intent; she was trying to comfort me, make sure I was okay. Each time she did it, I'd look at her with a weak smile, sometimes leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

She wasn't the only one who noticed things weren't right.

After dinner, as Bella, Jasper, and Alice took a walk on the beach, my mother pulled me in the opposite direction. We took a few steps before my father joined us. My arm linked with my mother's, I walked in silence, listening to Bella's voice move further and further away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" my father finally asked.

"Not particularly."

My mother patted my hand. "Do you _need_ to talk about it?"

Sighing, I halted. "Yeah, I probably do." I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts, and the jumble got no clearer.

"I've been thinking that … maybe … that maybe I should break up with Bella."

Bookended by my parents, I heard both of them gasp. My mother was sniffling and rested her head on my shoulder with a whispered "Oh, Edward."

My father took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "Son, you know we've let you make the decisions that you felt were best for you."

I knew that voice. It was the stern, no-nonsense voice he'd used when I'd given into self-pity after my surgery and any time since if he'd thought I was giving in too easily. He absolutely meant business.

He took a deep breath. "But anyone can see how much you and Bella love each other. You're going to have to have an exceedingly damn good reason before I let you make the biggest mistake of your life."

I pulled away from them, tightly wrapping my arms around myself. Just the _thought_ of life without Bella made my chest hurt, made the air leave my lungs in a huge rush.

"If Bella stays with me, she'd be giving up her chance to have children."

"What are you talking about, Edward?" My mother's voice sounded confused. "You know the doctors said your treatments didn't leave you sterile. They did all the tests."

I'd long gotten past being embarrassed by intimate medical conversations with my parents. Still, this was making me uncomfortable, and I covered my face with my hands.

"For God's sake, spit it out, Edward!" my father commanded.

"I can't be anyone's father!" I waved my hands wildly in front of me. "Hell, I can't see my fucking hand in front of my face! Bella would have to do everything on her own. That wouldn't be fair to her...or a baby." My sudden flash of anger subsided, and I felt incredibly alone.

My mother's arms encircled me. "Oh, honey. You just don't know how wrong you are."

Tears were running down my cheeks, and my father clumsily wiped them away. "Edward, you are the strongest, most determined man I've ever known. You have overcome so much, and you never give up. If anyone can be a great father, it's you."

My father's words began to fill the hole in my chest my decision to leave Bella had made. "But what would I do if the baby got hurt? What if I hurt..."

He softly kissed my temple. "Not buts or what ifs. You wouldn't be the first blind parent in the world, you know."

"We'd help you find other people to talk to." My mother sniffled loudly in my ear. "Other people who've done it and who can help you figure things out."

"That's right, son. We'll help you anyway we can." His voice softened as he continued to talk. "You can't let Bella go. Love like that doesn't come around every day. I'm _positive_ if you talked to Bella she'd say the same thing."

My father threw his arms around me and my mother, and we stood on the beach until the blur of the moon rose high over the water.

~tbw~

Bella found me at 3am, scowling over a cup of cold coffee. With only a kiss, she led me through the house and down the path to the beach. All I heard was her breathing and the lapping of the waves against the shore as we sat on the sand.

She lowered herself onto my lap, her legs wrapping tightly around me. She held my face firmly between her hands and forced me to look up at her.

"Tell me what's going on, Edward."

I closed my eyes; Bella could always tell far too much by looking into them. "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Is this a job interview?" She giggled, but it wasn't as carefree as usual. "I thought I was already hired."

"Seriously, Bella. Where do you see yourself going with this? With me?"

Her hands dropped from my face. "Um, we've talked about this. I want to be with you. Always."

"And what will we be doing? The same thing we are now?"

My chin was jerked left to right. "Open your eyes, Edward, and say whatever it is you have to say." Her voice was angry, but hurt colored the edges.

I slowly opened my eyes, but there wasn't enough light to make her blur visible. "I don't know if you've really thought about what a future with me will be like. What if you want kids?"

"So that's what this is about? Do you think I'm clueless, that I don't have any idea about the challenges we'll face?" Bella was just angry now. "_We_, Edward. There is no me without you anymore. Don't you get that?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"So quit acting as if you're the only one that understands how hard this could be. Do I think about having kids with you? Yes, all the time. But there isn't a thing I do with or for you that I don't think and research the hell out of."

I smiled for the first time in days. "Google again?"

She placed her hand gently against my cheek. "I can't always wait for you to tell me things." Her lips brushed against mine. "When _we_ are ready, we're going to be the best parents in the world. We can do anything together. I know it."

"You're my personal little motivational speaker, aren't you?" I pulled her closer and kissed her, our tongues meeting briefly. "Do you really think about us having kids?"

She gasped as my fingers eased under her long t-shirt and brushed over her bare back. "Yes," she whispered meekly. "Don't you?"

Clutching Bella's body close to mine, I raised and lowered us until she lay on the beach, my body suspended over hers by my shaky arms.

"I do now."

I'd long ago memorized the paths along her body, the steps I needed to take to open her up to me. Finding the hem of her shirt, I lifted it until I could grasp the waistband of her panties. I removed them slowly.

She protested while lifting her hips to help me. "Edward, we can't do this here. We still need to talk and..."

I silenced her with a kiss and pulled her panties over her feet. I went to work on my sweatpants, lowering them to my knees. Bella moaned when I stroked myself.

"I need to feel you, baby. I'll hurry. No one will see."

She encircled my neck with her arms and pulled me down until we were pressed tightly together. Her legs slowly spread and wrapped around my waist.

"Don't go _too_ fast," she whispered.

I was slowly enveloped by her warm, wet body, and my entire body shook with desire. Wrapping her arms around me, Bella buried her face in my neck and murmured softly. Her words spoke of her need … her faith … her love. We rocked together, and I allowed her to erase all my fear and doubt. I was an idiot to ever think I could live without her.

I framed her face with my shaking hands. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she said against my skin. "I love you so much."

The desperate sound of her voice drove me to madness, and I thrust into her hard, begging her to fall with me. My toes curled. Her back arched. We held on tight and let go, our cries carried on the breeze out to sea.

~tbw~

Wrapped around each other in bed, we awoke to the sounds and smells of someone making breakfast. When Bella tried to jump out of bed to help, I yanked her back down beside me.

"You aren't going anywhere."

Her giggle preceded the bounce of the mattress by milliseconds. My skin tingled as her hair feathered across my stomach, and I sighed as she settled into my side. I wanted to spend the rest of my life waking up just this way.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" She placed a slow kiss on the center of my chest.

"I'm thinking about how my new apartment is too big for one person."

Bella remained quiet and didn't move. I wasn't sure she was even breathing. Finally, she released a long, slow breath.

"But last night …"

I stroked the back of her head. "Forget last night. I was temporarily insane." I kissed her forehead. "This morning I see things much more clearly. Please move in with me."

Her lips brushed across mine. "Tell you what. If you manage to get through the rest of this weekend without going crazy on me again, I'll think about it."

"That's fair enough." I darted my tongue out and was rewarded with a sweet taste. "But you know you'll say yes. You can't resist my overwhelming charms."

She could pretend to think all she wanted, but her giggle always gave her away.

Hours later, we finally emerged from the bedroom. As Bella warmed up breakfast leftovers, my mother and father each hugged me, whispering how glad they were to see things back to normal. I heard Alice greet Bella right before Jasper's hand gripped my bicep.

"It's a good thing you got your head out of your ass, little brother. I would hate to have to kill you. My little one is going to need their uncle." Then he gave my forehead a big smack with his lips.

I listened to the bustle around me and smiled. Yes, everything was as it should be.

* * *

**A/N:**

_Thank you radiofreeamy for buying this story at FGB and supporting Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation._

_Thank you to erikasbuddy for the original prompt that led to this story._

_Thank you to my awesome beta and plot bunny wrangler zonagirlie._

_Thank you to all the Plot Bunnies for getting me through NaNoWriMo in one piece._

_The epilogue will be posted Christmas Day (2010)._


	5. Epilogue: Collide

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Epilogue: Collide**

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
__Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
__Out of the doubt that fills your mind  
__You finally find you and I collide  
_http:/www .youtube .com/watch?v=ca9ub9rpNK4

_I sat on the same bench where, a year to the day earlier, my world changed. The cool air, the smell of afternoon rain, the dark sky. It was almost exactly the same. I was just missing one very important thing._

_The sweet, delicious scent reached me before I heard her soft footsteps. Fabric rustled, and I felt her next to me. I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her close._

"_Hey there," I whispered._

"_Hey," she whispered back as she lay her head on my shoulder._

"_I missed you."_

_Bella giggled, that infernal sexy giggle that wrapped me around her finger and made me hers. "It was only one night, you big baby. It seems pretty inconsequential in the big scheme of things, don't you think?"_

"_A night without you is never inconsequential." I sighed and hugged her closer. "I always miss you when we're apart. Your hot chocolate eyes and dark chestnut hair."_

"_I can't believe you remember that."_

"_Oh, I remember everything about that night. It's not every day you get seduced by a co-worker."_

_That earned me one of her full, lusty laughs. "Well, if I waited for you to make a move, I'd have been an old maid."_

_She was right. I was forever waiting for my life to happen to me until she happened. Now, I knew where I was going and who was going to be by my side._

_We sat in silence for a little while, and I just enjoyed the weight of her in my arms and the sounds of her breathing. I felt the air begin to warm, and the world around me seemed a little lighter._

"_Is that the sunrise?" I asked hopefully._

_She stood and took my hand. "Yes it is. Are you ready?"_

"_I was born ready." I rose to my feet and gently pulled her back to me. "One question, though. What color is your dress?"_

_Ah, a giggle. Just what I wanted to hear._

"_Don't be silly. You know it's white."_

A hand clasped over my shoulder and I jumped. I'd been so engrossed in telling my story, I hadn't heard her come into the room.

"Good grief, Edward," Bella whisper-yelled. "It's 3AM. What are you doing up?"

"Well, I was just telling …" I gently rubbed my thumb over the right earlobe of the cooing baby in my lap and found the tiny confirming earring. "Renee. I was just telling Renee about our wedding day. She was a little fussy and missed her daddy."

Just then, a tiny cry sounded from across the room.

Bella laughed. "Well, sounds like Esme wants to get in on the action, too."

I shifted Renee until she was secure in the crook of my left arm. "Could you bring her here? I should have known she wouldn't stay asleep without her sister for very long."

"Okay, but just remember the entire Cullen and Clearwater-Swan clans will be here at noon for Christmas dinner. You can't stay up all night holding them." She kissed my cheek. "You're spoiling them rotten, Daddy."

Soon, my second daughter, younger by only five minutes, was nestled in the crook of my right arm. Both girls began wiggling and baby talking back and forth. Bella sat at my feet, her head resting on my knees.

Surrounded by my three favorite women in the world. Right where I belonged.

I kissed each tiny girl on the top of her head, and their fuzzy hair tickled my lips. Taking a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the sweet, clean scent of baby girl. Their cousin Emmett never smelled this wonderful, although Mom and Dad were constantly telling me otherwise. As grandparents, they had to be impartial. As Daddy, I didn't.

Their exchange of coos and gasps made me smile. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"I don't know, but, just like her namesake, Renee is doing most of the talking." Bella sighed. "Damn, I wish Mom was around to see this." She wrapped her arms around my legs and hugged me. She always missed her mother, who'd passed away when she was in high school, but it was more acute since the girls were born.

"I know, baby." I brushed my toes against her leg, not knowing what else to say.

After a few minutes of silence, the girls were asleep in my arms. Bella slowly lifted each one and placed them back into their shared crib. When they were settled, my wife sat in my lap and curled around me.

Our lips touched. The kiss was electric, delicious, bone-melting. I cradled the back of her head, burying my fingers in her soft, messy hair. Our tongues met, sliding slowly against each other. When I pulled away, she moaned.

"My, my, Mrs. Cullen," I chided. "Aren't you the wanton one this morning?"

She nibbled my earlobe. "I can't help it. You turn me on like crazy. You're such a DILF."

I groaned. "Jesus, Bella, we're in the nursery."

She giggled, and it was as if we were back at the beginning, sitting on a bench under the full moon. Both nervous and wanting and crazy in love, even if we didn't know it then. Five years together and twin girls hadn't done anything to temper the overwhelming need we had for each other.

I held her body tight against mine and stood. "I'm taking you to bed, Mrs. Cullen. Just watch out for doorways and inanimate objects. I'd hate to knock you out before I get you naked."

The trip took five times as long as it should have, and Bella was likely covered in bruises by the time we got there. But we laughed the entire time and made it in one piece. Then we made love until the sun rose.

* * *

**A/N:**

_Thank you to erikasbuddy for the original prompt that led to this story._

_Thank you to my awesome beta and plot bunny wrangler zonagirlie._

_Thank you to all the TBW fans who reviewed, rec'd, and read this story._

_Thank you to the Chicago Ladies, who encouraged me to try my hand at creating my own characters._

_Last but never least, thank you to my husband, who has supported and taken care of me throughout this difficult year._


End file.
